Listen to this article. [6:50]
“Everyone thinks they have a story to tell—and they do, it’s just that no one wants to pay to read them.”
“You know, you could always self-publish. That’s what a lot of people do.”
These are just a few of the remarks I heard when I told friends and family that I was thinking of writing a memoir. I felt discouraged because I’m not a celebrity and yes, plenty of people have stories to tell so why would anyone spend money to read mine?
But then, a funny thing happened.
In 2018, I became director of the writing center at the boarding school where I taught. In that role, I formed writing groups—for the students and the faculty. Each week, when the six faculty members met, one of us shared our writing. Some wrote poetry, others short stories, and one teacher was working on a play. I wrote short stories until the time I took a big risk: I wrote an essay about my experience married to a white-collar criminal who went to prison, leaving me and my three daughters to fend for ourselves. “When one family member goes to prison,” I wrote, “the whole family goes with him.” My daughters and I lived that truth—experiencing the shame, the dislocation, and the financial devastation.
My writing group celebrated my essay as the best piece I had written and urged me to continue to tell my story.
I decided I did need to share that painful chapter of my life, regardless of the vulnerability inherent in writing about it. I submitted the piece I’d shared with my writing group, titled, “Praying Before Idols,” and was thrilled when Grub Street Literary Review told me they “admired” my essay and published it in 2020. I felt validated and encouraged to continue writing; perhaps, after all, I had a memoir to publish.
During my career and after retirement in 2021, I took nonfiction writing classes and joined the International Women’s Writing Guild and a memoir writing group. I read memoirs—including Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls, Wild by Cheryl Strayed, and Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala—studying the techniques of these successful authors. Books on craft, such as Writing the Memoir by Judith Barrington, The Scene Book by Sandra Scofield, and Ann Lamott’s Bird by Bird, provided valuable advice. Barrington, for example, explains the importance of specific, sensory details because they “became crucial to finding the deeper layers of my memoir.” I listened to podcasts that emphasized having a consistent theme reinforced in every chapter. My theme was resilience after loss and truth after lies; apart from detailing events leading to my then husband’s incarceration, my story is about my quest to reclaim my life— to become responsible, live independently, and guide my daughters into their futures. Many women live in the shadows of others, believing that they are powerless to implement change because the stakes are too high. I wanted to write my story to show that need not be the case.
I enjoyed success with pieces published in Barely South Review, Brevity Blog, Yellow Arrow Press and HuffPost. It became increasingly evident that my story was relevant to others. But to construct a complete memoir I needed to know where to begin and, most important, at what point to end. A friend recommended an editor who helped me discover the arc of my story; she suggested that I create three folders and place each of my existing essays—which were now chapters of my memoir-in-progress— into the appropriate folder, according to the essay’s relevance and chronology.
In early drafts, I wrote in the present tense to convey vitality; but I learned that writing in the present tense didn't allow room for reflection, which is key to memoir. Readers want to know what we learned from our experiences and how we have grown. This is important to express explicitly and cannot be accomplished by simply chronicling events.
I revised.
When I had what I considered a finished product, I began to submit my manuscript. I used a variety of tools, including subscribing to the free online Author’s Publish Magazine to find small presses and signing up for QueryTracker and Manuscript Wish List to research agents. I seriously considered hybrid presses, but I wasn’t able to pay what in some cases was nearly ten thousand dollars to have my book published. Finally, after I’d submitted and received some positive responses but nothing definitive, Vine Leaves Press accepted A Dream Life for publication in spring 2024. I was over the moon with joy.
It took two years from the date of acceptance until my memoir was published in May 2026. During that time, I worked with the developmental and copyright editors at Vine Leaves Press to fine-tune my work and make plans for the book’s launch and subsequent promotion.
To increase the benefit and impact of my story, I am sharing half of my proceeds with the Connecticut Children with Incarcerated Parents Initiative (CTCIP) which provides programming and scholarships. Partnering with this vital organization further strengthens my belief in the power of a story. Other memoirists might consider supporting organizations that could benefit from their book’s publication.
We all do have a story to tell. Until it is written and shared, we cannot know the impact it will have on the lives of our readers. I encourage everyone to tell their stories.
Author's Comment
Since publication of A Dream Life, an unexpected number of people have told me that they have a family member who was incarcerated. The stigma of incarceration prevents people from sharing their difficult experience. I hope readers find strength in my story and can use it as a tool to open a dialogue rather than feeling isolated and ashamed. If you want to chat further, I can be found on Instagram as @wendyjswiftauthor
Wendy Swift’s husband was incarcerated in the 1990s, leaving her alone to support her three young daughters as they navigated loss, shame, and uncertainty. The path was uneven and hard-won. It required resilience, reflection, and growth from all of them, just as it revealed all too starkly the perils of blind materialism.
This powerful memoir illuminates the complex challenges families face when confronted with addiction, mental illness, and incarceration. A Dream Life ultimately affirms that anyone can unknowingly fall prey to false beliefs, but once the truth is revealed and the fear of dislocation and upheaval is faced and overcome, renewal and strength will take their place.
Available from Bookshop, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and an independent bookseller near you.
Wendy Swift is the author of a memoir, A Dream Life, as well as essays published in HuffPost, Memoir Magazine, Grub Street Literary Magazine, Barely South Review, Yellow Arrow Journal, and Brevity Blog. Swift was interviewed by Sari Botton for her Substack, Memoirland, published in May 2026. She is a mentor with We Are Not Numbers and serves as a fiction reader for Mud Season Review. 
Debbie Chance Ables publishes the community Simply Put Newspaper for the “Bourbon Capital of the World”, Bardstown, KY. Co-founder of Words of Women, she encourages other local female writers to express their creativity. Writing her blog –